Authenticity

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little lost within myself.
Who am I?
What do I like?
What do I not like?
I used to have so much excitement and passion about different things.

But those have faded.
I’ve become cynical over the past year. I thought it was a phase. But I’ve been kind of stuck here.
Almost as if this is the new me.

At first, I was fighting it. I don’t want to be cynical. I want to be the happy, bubbly person that I used to be.

But honestly, what I really want to do is embrace it. I want to allow myself to be me.

Something is changing inside me. And maybe it’s time to embrace this new identity.

My cynicism is turning me into someone more strict and determined. I’m exploring the idea of new and different accomplishments. My thought patterns are changing and things I never cared for (probably because I didn’t think it was achievable) are becoming significant.

And I’ve been fighting this transformation because I’ve been so stuck on staying the old me. This happy, nothing-can-bog-me-down, playful me.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of me. I am still happy. But I just don’t smile as much. I still have fun but I can’t wait to get back to solitude and get on my grind.

What I’m trying to say is, transformation is inevitable. Each day, we learn and grow. We experience different things We meet new people. We read different books. All of these experiences collectively shape and mold us. Maybe not immediately, but overtime, we transform from new thoughts and ideas.

What I am learning is that, as an introspective person, it is hard to let go of being one way after being that way for so long. And this mental push and pull between different identities only causes internal disparity which leads to confusion, anxiety, and depression.

My internal compass is the same. I will always look to God for direction. I will choose kindness over ignorance. Compassion and empathy will always win. But my outer shell may change just as a snail changes its shell.

There is nothing wrong with change. And what matters most is being true to who you are, no matter how that change may occur. Authenticity matters.

Be you. And embrace it all times.